


Chapter and Verse

by insominia



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: As Slice of Life as you can get with an angel and a demon in Biblical times, Bible Stories, Biblical Reinterpretation, Biblical Scripture References (Abrahamic Religions), Developing Friendships, Don't @ Me, Gen, Idiots in Love, Kinda, Noah's Ark, Sdom va'Amora | Sodom and Gomorrah (Abrahamic Religions), Slice of Life, The God of the Old Testament is a Jerk, david and goliath, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:34:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23122564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insominia/pseuds/insominia
Summary: One day, the writers of The Word would sit down and commit their people's oral history to paper.There would not be a mention of the angel, the demon, or how their unlikely friendship began.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 12





	Chapter and Verse

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lurlur](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lurlur/gifts).



> PENBLWYDD HAPUS, LUR!
> 
> Everyone! It's Lur's birthday! And I love her. 
> 
> My freaky darling, I hope you enjoy what little gift I can offer you. It comes with the knowledge and the humourous image that I began writing this in the library of the theological college in which I live and I had several choice words with the future priests about the Biblical treatment of Bathsheba (which was ironically the scene that didn't make it into this fic)
> 
> Enjoy my sweet! May it forever be this awkward between us.

* * *

**Genesis 7**

Ultimately, Aziraphale couldn’t quite decide whether it was the smell or the noise which was worse. In hindsight, (though could it really be hindsight when they’d only been at sea for three days? Could it even be considered ‘at sea’ considering the entire country had been landlocked two days prior?) one would think the Almighty would have commanded additional windows.

The animals were getting anxious, which was hardly surprising really. Not that Aziraphale was in the habit of questioning the grand plan but hoarding a pair of every animal in creation onto a boat without proper fencing regulations seemed like a recipe for disaster. With a little concentration, Aziraphale allowed the animals to calm, soothing them with his presence. It did little to stop the overall din, but they were at least a little relaxed for it.

He moved among them; mammals, lizards, birds and everything in between, visible to them in aura alone when he thought he heard someone talking under their breath. He paused to listen, but he wasn’t afraid of being caught. It sounded like one of the sons charged with tending the animals, but Aziraphale knew that they were still in bed. Still, the tone was consistent with someone speaking soothing nonsense to a small animal. He turned the corner, already smiling at the tenderness humans were capable of, though he wasn’t quite prepared for the sight that greeted him.

“ _Crawley?_ ”

Yellow eyes froze under Aziraphale’s shocked gaze.

“Oh...hello angel,” Crawley said, as though he wasn’t particularly surprised. “You didn’t fancy waiting it out out there either?”

“Well...it is a little damp,” Aziraphale muttered, as though Crawley, the demon that had caused the expulsion of humanity from Eden wasn’t holding a handful of greens out to a pair of small rabbits, assuring them that he had plenty for them. “What are you doing here?”

Crawley shrugged his shoulders in such a way that the motion looked almost uncomfortable. “Well, I didn’t fancy swimming,” he hesitated, “That and...I wasn’t sure they had enough food onboard for you know... every animal in creation. And I’ve had _hell_ of a time keeping the birds of prey away from the mice, don’t get me started on the snails! They’re so slow so you wouldn’t think they’d wander off but here we are.”

“Oh, you don’t need to tell me about it,” Aziraphale sighed, “Don’t get me started on keeping the big cats calm. I’ve tried to convince them they don’t want to eat the zebras, I’ve even made sure they had zebra for dinner but they still want to chase them.”

Crawley nodded along, commiserating before he glanced up, holding a hesitant leaf out to him. “Would you like to help me feed them?” he asked.

Aziraphale paused for a moment.

“You know, I really rather would.”

* * *

**Genesis 19**

Even from a distance, Aziraphale fancied he could feel the heat of the flames. It was only midday yet the sky burned redder than even the most fierce of sunsets. In lieu of white clouds there seemed to be only black smog, drifting across the sky until even the sun itself seemed to have been subsumed by brimstone.

There was a whistling somewhere overhead and Aziraphale looked up in time to glimpse a comet, all fire and death streak across the sky and smash, with calculated precision, into the town. Or at least, what remained of it.

“Oh dear,” he sighed.

“Bloody hell,” Crawley’s distinctive drawl came from beside Aziraphale. “Somebody’s narked.” In his hand, he held a small pouch, the contents of which Aziraphale couldn’t quite discern, though Crawley reached in with two fingers and drew out something crispy which he crunched between his teeth.

He might have asked what the demon was doing there, but another whistle rang out and they turned together to see another meteor strike harshly into the ground, decimating the remains of the remains.

The crunching from Crawley’s mouth trailed off as the smoke and dust cleared. “You’ll have a job pinning this on Hell,” he muttered, “It’s not like we have this kind of firepower. What did they do to piss off the Almighty?”

Aziraphale winced, which Crawley noticed immediately, of course.

“ _Oh_ ,” he breathed, “this is your lot? Bit extreme isn’t it?”

“They were very rude!” Aziraphale said, defensively, though his heart wasn’t quite in it. When he looked up, Crawley was looking at him curiously, his eyes wide with amusement. “Well, you see, Heaven decided to pay me a visit this time, instead of having my report up there. Gabriel and Sandalphon came down and I thought Sodom is nice this time of year, why not show them around?”

“Didn’t go well, I take it?” Crawley asked, nibbling on another whatever it was he had.

“They were so rude!” Aziraphale said, exasperated, “and when they propositioned Gabriel, well I...I simply did not know where to put myself!”

Crawley almost choked on the air he breathed, “They propositioned Gabriel? Yeah...I could see how that might do it.”

Aziraphale nodded sadly. “Such a waste.”

For a moment it seemed like Crawley wasn’t entirely sure what to say before he tentatively held out the bag in offering to Aziraphale. “Piece of pork?”

“Thank you,” Aziraphale sighed, reaching into the bag and taking a small piece of crisp pork. He’d barely popped it between his teeth when he turned to Crawley, impressed. “Goodness me, that’s delicious.”

“Isn’t it though?”

“Mmm, indeed, maybe a little too much salt though.”

* * *

**Exodus 16:35**

Aziraphale’s feet hurt. He wasn’t entirely sure if it was possible for them to ache as much as they did, surely his corporeal form wasn’t capable of such things. It occurred to him that maybe, maybe he didn’t actually feel anything, after all, it wasn’t as though he strictly needed to eat, sleep or do any of those other things humans tended to do as a matter of survival. Perhaps, these were sympathetic pains, a result of being among these humans for so long during their struggles. He had felt sorry for them, but now maybe he had taken it too far, now he was starting to feel their pain as his own.

Or maybe his feet just really did ache.

A woman not too far from him had stumbled and fallen to her knees, so obviously Aziraphale went to help her up, even as others around her did the same. Aziraphale took her left arm, only to almost drop it again when he realised that it was Crawley at her right, helping her rise.

“Well, hello again,” Aziraphale said, cheerily, more relieved in ways he could say to see his...what did one refer to the only other immortal being capable of comprehending the world on a celestial scale among a society of slightly more evolved primates? “I didn’t expect to see you here!”

The woman gave them a brief nod of thanks, even though she had practically been forgotten by the two as they stepped back, allowing those around them to put some distance between them.

“Actually,” Crawley said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly, “I was wondering if I could have a word?”

“Oh dear, that sounds rather ominous, is everything alright?”

The faintest hint of a blush crept into Crawley’s cheeks, “Well...and this is embarrassing for me to have to ask, by the way, but...I just wanted to check...how long are these lot going to be wandering the desert?”

“Oh...” Aziraphale shifted awkwardly where he stood and mumbled something immediately lost to the small space between them.

“Sorry, didn’t catch that.” Aziraphale didn’t answer straight away, so Crawley continued, “It’s just that this journey shouldn't have taken them a year already and they’re still a fair way away...any chance of them finding their way soon? I mean, they’re your lot's _chosen people_ and all that, you can’t leave them wandering the desert for much longer, surely?”

“Forty years,” Aziraphale muttered. “Apparently, they’re going to be at this for forty years.”

There was a moment where Crawley took off the glasses he wore to appear more human, cleaned them and then returned them. His mouth opened and closed several times before he finally actually said any words. “Sorry, did you say forty years?”

Aziraphale nodded, somehow feeling even more guilty, as though the idea that Crawley might think less of him outweighed the exhaustion of the very many people around him.

“Right...well...I wasn’t expecting that. _Forty years_?”

“The Almighty wants them to learn a lesson you see,” Aziraphale said, a little weakly.

It occurred to Aziraphale later that Crawley probably didn’t have much occasion to be rendered speechless, but at that point, he couldn’t seem to make his mouth work, or at least he couldn't seem to connect it to what was going on in his brain.

“I’ll be honest with you, angel, I thought you’d just gotten lost or something. Forty years? I mean I only asked because Hell thinks this is my doing and I wondered how long I could keep taking the credit for it. _Forty years_?!”

“You could always join us, if you wanted,” Aziraphale asked, a little more hopeful than he would have liked, “It might be nice to have some company.”

Crawley, to his credit, did at least seem to consider it for a moment. But ultimately he shook his head, “Nah, I think I’ll go to bed, but I’ll catch up with you in...about forty years I’d imagine.”

Aziraphale’s heart gave a little stutter unbecoming of a celestial being, but he understood. He wasn’t entirely sure if he could blame him. It had already been a very long year.

Crawley was still shaking his head as he turned to head off from wherever it was he had come from in the first place.

“You know, angel, at times like these are you quite sure you’re the good guys?”

* * *

**1 Samuel 17**

A huge crowd had gathered, but Aziraphale had already secured himself a decent vantage point. It was a little further away than most people had opted for and although he wouldn’t be at the heart of the action, he could see well enough. Someone a short way away from him caught his attention, waving a little frantically. Uncertainly, Aziraphale waved back. There was a moment where the figure seemed to be gesturing something that Aziraphale couldn’t quite make out given the distance. They visibly huffed after a moment before they started striding towards Aziraphale and he would recognise that unnatural roll of hips anywhere.

“I got us better seats!” Crawley insisted when he came within earshot, though a quick glance told him that Aziraphale had a decent view himself. “I thought you’d come and see the show,” he hesitated, clearly weighing up whether to say whatever it was he was going to say next. In the end, he just went for it. “I brought snacks?”

“You...you brought snacks?!” Aziraphale cried, unsure whether he should be outraged or impressed.

Crawley reached into his satchel, “It’s not much, mostly dates and grapes, could I interest you in a date?”

Aziraphale had tried dates, but he didn’t feel like admitting that right now, so instead, he just gave an airy, “Oh, why not?” and accepted the offering.

It was delicious.

“Have you put any money on this?” Crawley asked with a mouthful of date, waving his arm in the general vicinity of the ever-growing crowd.

Aziraphale looked scandalised, “What? You mean a bet? Of course I haven’t...have you?”

“Yup, I’ve got five drachmas riding on the giant.”

Aziraphale snorted which seemed to either annoy or amuse Crawley, he couldn’t quite tell.

“Oh come off it, have you seen him? Who am I going to put money on, the trained warrior who is literally a giant or the little boy in the woollen tunic who sleeps with the sheep?”

“The odds are certainly against him,” Aziraphale sighed as the crowd started to stir.

“Here we go,” Crawley said, rubbing his hands together as the crowd parted for a young man, who seemed to look even smaller given how many surrounded him.

He looked positively minuscule when his opponent approached. Crawley had not been exaggerating, the man was a giant in the most literal sense. It had been some time since Aziraphale had seen a giant, he hadn’t realised there were any left. This must be one of the last, if not _the_ last.

They were hardly evenly matched, height aside. The youth looked like he had come straight from the fields...which made sense...seeing as he had. But opposite him, the giant wore bronze armour that shone like gold in the sunlight but would offer ample protection against the sling in the boy’s hand regardless.

The crowd had started to jeer him and the giant’s lips were moving, no doubt taunting him as well. Whatever the boy’s reply, it was lost among the crowds.

The fight, if it could be called that, lasted less than a minute. The giant charged, the boy matched him and then he launched a stone from his sling and the giant went down. The crowd was silent.

“Did he-” Crawley spluttered, at length, the first sound Aziraphale heard across the quiet gathering. “He just...did you see...” he slapped his palm to his forehead, dramatically, “Five drachmas!”

The boy was struggling with the giant’s sword, trying to pick it up even though it was practically as big as himself. Still, it took the giant’s head off eventually.

“Well,” Aziraphale sighed, barely audible over the crowd which had erupted and what armies surrounded them started running whether in retreat or pursuit. “That was impressive...nothing short of _miraculous_ , I’d say,” he added, smugly.

Beside him, Crawley scowled. “Yes yes, well done, you win.”

Aziraphale hesitated, Crawley did look genuinely annoyed. “I’m sorry my dear boy,” Aziraphale offered, “They’ve big plans for him upstairs.” The knowledge did little to assuage Crawley’s expression. “What do you say I take you out for dinner? There’s a lovely little place up the road, it has the most delicious lamb and the wine is exceptional.”

Crawley mused on the idea for a moment, clearly wondering why on earth an angel would offer to have a meal neither of them needed with a demon. Aziraphale was honestly wondering the same thing. But eventually, he shrugged, “Alright, angel, I’m game,” he held something out to Aziraphale, dropping it into his hand with exaggerated flair. “It’s a date,” he said and laughing, he followed Aziraphale who would be the first to admit that the joke was very funny.


End file.
